Tofu Scramble

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Tofu Scramble aka How to Save the World with Tofu

You: 1, Your fridge: 0

Sooner or later, there comes a time when certain horrible forces in the universe combine and descend upon your kitchen. These forces are a) financial crunchage, and b) produce wiltage, and they can be pernicious and frustrating. However! You have a secret weapon in your arsenal that you may not have tried before: the tofu scramble.

Now now, I know what you're thinking. And yet! It is possible to use up all the produce wilting in the crisper like Aunt Gertie on her fainting couch while cheaply producing a tasty meal that feeds many. Including teenagers.

Ingredients:

1 potato, chopped
1 pkg extra firm tofu
1 yellow onion, diced
lemon juice
cooking oil
a fry pan that's seen better days
the spices of your choice
the contents of the fridge and/or fruit bowl

Right. First off, tofu retains its texture best when you squeeze all the water out of it. Easy: de-package said tofu and slice it into two thin rectangles laid side by side on a plate. Put a layer of paper towels over it, then squash it with the giant unwieldy casserole dish you could kill someone with.

While that's squishing, peel and chop the potato into wee chunks and pop them in a good-sized frying pan with a splash of oil. Leave them there and chop the onion, then turn and have stern words with the contents of the crisper. Basically, you're making a scrambled fry-up; the tofu, potatoes and onion will soak up the flavor of the oil and spices, and really, most other vegetables can be tossed in at will, browned nicely, and added to the dish for taste and bulk.

Last week when I made this, my crisper yielded a very suspicious looking kohlrabi, some leftover seitan bits from an earlier meal that were headed for the back of the fridge, green onions and an apple that had gone a bit soft. Normally, these are the types of things headed for the compost pile at speed, but behold the power of the scramble: chop chop chop into a pile with the onion.

Yes, an apple in a savory fry-up. It works really well if you use spicy seasoning such as various peppers, Old Bay or my favorite, Tony Chachere's Cajun seasoning.

Anyway! Turn the heat on high under the potatoes, add some seasoning. Flip flip flip, brown brown brown. I mention using an old fry pan because my potatoes always burn, but maybe you're just better with potatoes. Go with what works.

When the potatoes are translucent, retrieve your drained tofu and crumble it over the potatoes, then dump all your veggies in on top. The mixture will hiss and crackle and just generally make much of itself, so add a splash of lemon juice to keep everyone in line, and stir, season to taste. It's ready to go when the tofu browns and the potatoes are soft.

Enjoy while sticking tongue out at vegetable crisper.